I really should have titled this post “struggling with slowing down” rather than the “art of slowing down” – however I am sure that there is an art to stopping and just enjoying the present moment (that is called mindfulness, isn’t it?).
Over the course of recovery from this injury, I’ve come to realise how much value I place on the notion that to be “successful” you must be “busy” and continually striving for your goals. This recovery process is teaching me yet again that sometimes “striving for your goals” is nonsensical – in other words you can’t rush the process of getting better again and that there is actually nothing wrong with accepting the situation and choosing to have a quiet day.
This has been the hardest part to accept, although rationally I know it to be true. After a visit to the physio yesterday where I detailed my exploits in the pool and fully expected an upgrade of my exercises, she asked about soreness – I told her that I was a little bit sore at night rolling into bed and that it was affecting my sleep. She immediately suggested that there was still some inflammation around the anchor site and that it was a sign to slow down rather than ramp it up. Yesterday was the fullest day I have experienced post surgery and predictably, upon hitting the hay last night, I was sore. I decided then and there that today I would take off my activity tracker, have a warm bath, nap if I felt like it, remove all expectations of the recovery process and just trust in my body’s capacity to heal at the perfect rate.
I’m finding it hard not to be in complete control of the healing process, so recovery has been a great lesson in learning to let go and just to be in the present moment and to learn to trust in myself that because I am choosing to be still, it does not mean that I am being lazy in any way, shape or form and that stillness has nothing to do with my success or worth as a person. Wow, I call that a “lightbulb” moment.
I am OK today, just as I am.
And so are you.