Whilst it wasn’t my biggest week on the “return to fitness” front, it was still a decent week which included two treadmill trots, a swim, four short rides and two mini strength training sessions. I am noticing some physical changes in my hamstring tendons/muscles now – dare to say it – I think that the muscle has more of a dense feeling to it, meaning that it’s doing some work!
I’ve been struggling again with the notion of “being back where I was” mentally and I have been feeling frustrated with myself for allowing myself to even go there in my mind. However, after reading a blog from a friend, Jen, who has just had a horrific cycling crash accident, and talking to my great training partner, Mel this morning, I am now coming to accept those feelings as normal and that if I am to turn them into a positive force, they need to be reframed.
Jen has been keeping a gratitude journal as she slowly heals and I have been inspired by her appreciation of the good moments in every day. Whilst I am ahead of her in terms of rehab, her journey reminds me to appreciate that one step forward at a time.
Today was a first in that I took Lucy for a walk to the park. I haven’t walked her for four months and had been avoiding it because our neighbourhood is very hilly and walking up hills places a lot of load on the hamstring tendons. I played a game with her where I threw her ball to one corner of the park and did a quick shuttle run across to the other side of the park. Lucy would bring me the ball and I’d throw it to the opposite corner and try and run to the other side whilst she was running. We both thought it was a great game, though I admit to feeling miserable that my running is so poor. Then I decided to try and reframe the situation by focusing on walking the dog and running for the first time outdoors as a big achievement.
My theory is that the “getting back to what I was” is all about stroking the ego. Not being concerned about getting back anywhere is about letting go, I feel. Let go of having to prop up the ego and enjoy the ride or the run or the swim instead.
Therefore the goal for this week is just to let go and enjoy whatever I do. That doesn’t mean that I won’t give it my best shot, it’s just that I will consciously let the idea of “results” go.
Tomorrow I am trying out one of the Uni Cycle Clubs Ladies Criterium training groups. Even though I’m used to overcoming my introversion, I still find myself nervous about meeting and training with new groups. It’s a bit of the old worry of “what if I can’t keep up because of my injury?”caper. As I remind a few of my coaching clients, the worst scenario of any race or training group in cycling is that you’ll get dropped and most women’s groups are very aware of these fears. In other words, if I get dropped tomorrow, so be it. However, I’ll be giving it my best shot and might just surprise myself.